Parenting in Real Life

OK, since I've been unable to write anything compelling of late, here's a repost of  one of my favorites in 2010. Enjoy!
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Parenting in Real Life   

On my Top Five list of "Worst Parenting Advice,"  is this article in the November issue of Parents:
 "Why Do Boys Have Nipples?  We answer your kid's toughest body questions".

This article promises to leave you armed and ready with a child-friendly, politically correct answer for anything Junior might ask about the human body. 

Here are some excerpts, followed by my "In Real Life" responses-
....
Why does Daddy have hair on his Chest and Toes?
Parents Magazine Answer:
What to tell your kid-  " It's likely a holdover from our early ancestors, who needed hair for survival", says William Leonard PhD...."A hairy body may have looked scary to predators and attractive to females- and it probably helped our ancestors stay warm"

My "IRL" answer:
Because some people grow hair there!

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Why do some people wear braces?
Parents Magazine Answer:
What to tell your kid- Over the past 1000,000 years, humans' jaws have been growing smaller because. unlike our prehistoric ancestors, we eat mostly soft, cooked foods that require less force (and a smaller mouth) to chew, says Dr Leonard. But we continue to develop the same number of adult teeth and squishing them all into a reduced-size mouth means they often come in crooked. To straighten their smile and help prevent future health problems, many people wear braces.

My "IRL"  answer:
Because some people need them to fix their crooked teeth!
....
Parents Magazine, are you people serious??  It doesn't take a PhD to answer kids' questions;  then again if there really are parents who don't know how to deal with questions about teeth and toe hairs, maybe they do need professional help!

What I wanna know is where are all the questions kids really ask?  Why does Daddy have hair on his toes, why do people wear braces, why do people wear glasses, why do people have different colored skin?  PLEASE, my kids have never asked those questions!   How about "Why do girls have boobies and boys have chests?" "Why is that monkey trying to get a piggy back ride from the other monkey?"  and lets not forget "Why do you pee sitting down, Mommy?"   Hey Mr. PhD, give my kids a biology lesson, why dontcha?  I'm just gonna tell them to stop opening the bathroom door when I'm in there!